she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
