I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
