Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
