I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
