help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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