Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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