he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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