do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
