Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
