he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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