I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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