perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
