Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
