it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
