I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
