Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
