I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
