I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
