Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
