i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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