Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
