Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
