The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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