and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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