umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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