I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And then my night got REAL pukey
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
