I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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