I met the friendliest cop last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
