So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
