i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
