chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
