I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
