i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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