sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
