these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
