well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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