winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
