I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
