C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
