I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
