Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
