When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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