I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
