Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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