They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
