Jerry, you need to find god
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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