i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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