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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize