i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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