I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
a search helicopter?!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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