i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
