So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
