Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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