how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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