Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
