READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
