for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
