If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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