I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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