Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
