Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
