btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Randomize
