you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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