Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize