haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just google imaged poop.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
