The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
