I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I still have a little drunk in my system
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
