Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His nipple licking is glorious
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