We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
