I hope mine doesn't look like that
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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